Dr. Robert Waldinger and his wife Jennifer Stone. @Rose Lincoln/Harvard Staff Photographer
Self-care is more important than ever, as our normal routines are still disrupted a year after the outbreak of a global pandemic. Even though vaccines are rolling out, many older adults still reside in relative isolation. Working moms and dads are commuting from their bedroom to the kitchen office, and kids hunch over computers for hours each day. Whether we are old or young, we need to do something for our physical and emotional well-being.
I am a big proponent of exercise to keep us healthy, but today I want to introduce another type of self-care, one that is grounded in more than 80 years of research: investing in relationships.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
One of the world’s longest longitudinal studies on aging is the Harvard Study of Adult Development. It found that close relationships keep people happy throughout their lives, more than money or success, and this in turn, delayed mental and physical decline. Subsequent research showed that people’s satisfaction with their life at 50 was a better predictor of their future physical health than their cholesterol level. This was equally true for the Harvard graduates who were part of the original cohort in 1938 and the inner-city Boston residents who were added to the study as a control group in the 70s.
Taking care of your body is important but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. — Dr. Robert Waldinger, Director, Harvard Study of Adult Development
Invest More in Relationships
Investing in relationships means making a commitment to spend time with someone and being fully present during that time. When we are surrounded by the same people 24 x 7, it is easy to tune them out. We text while talking, or let our minds wander while listening. We may call people to catch up, but we end up watching the clock so we can get back to whatever we thought was so important. This time-slicing isn’t investing!
Take the Investment Challenge
Try an experiment this week: set aside 15 minutes for someone—perhaps someone who is mostly isolated—and give them your full attention. Listen with curiosity. Discover something new that you didn’t know. Make an investment in someone else, knowing that you are simultaneously caring for yourself.